previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Hello! Hello! You guys look like you need a quest!
Who says?
Me!
Yeah!
Damien Conference, Knight of the Round!
Where are you going?
To Daggerford!
Yeah, that and to help with the turnt gobbos.
Wait, there's turnt gobbos?
That's what Domain said!
One very important question.
Oh.
What direction is Daggerford in?
East!
Ish!
Turn that compass a little bit further southeast.
Unguard!
Oh, do I?
Do you think I need to save the world from you, sir?
If you are going to save the world,
I would like to help you further gird your loins against evil.
Ugh!
And in the best way, you get your brains out of the gutters!
Oh, first lesson!
Never bring a sword to a jam fight!
Or jam to a sword fight!
I learned that the hard way.
And Damien drops into a very respect-filled kneel
directly in front of Glim.
You have a lot of potential.
You need to keep practicing,
but you are on the road to greatness.
I believe that destiny,
with your friends supporting you, has chosen well.
Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you so much for your tutelage, circumference.
It means so much to me.
We are at your service, well, until we are in Daggerford,
and then we will see where our next adventure takes us.
But for the time being,
you have a friend in circumference in Birdie Lemieux.
Birdie's got just bird's seeds, just like, beacons.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast,
and I'm your dungeon master, Russ Boren.
With me today is Amy More.
I am, I am here, and I play Sullivan Sleight,
a lightfoot halfling rogue.
And Carla Maxted.
I am here, and I play Glim, a dragonborn pAlydin.
And Tom Laird.
That's me, I play Moot.
He's a wild magic half-orc sorcerer.
And back with us again this week from North by North Quest,
Tiffany and David Alvard.
Hello!
We did it.
We did it, we're back.
Welcome back.
I am Damien Conference, aka Sir Conference,
the human lawful good pAlydin, night of the round,
because that's an exotic build right there.
I am Squire, Birdie Lemieux.
I am a, oh, what's my actual bird?
What are you, what bird?
What bird am I?
You should know, self-identity.
I'm a lilac, I'm a lilac-breasted roller.
Ken Q, so I'm very colorful.
And I am a pAlydin squire.
Yeah, I forgot to send the pictures to everybody.
They're so pretty.
All rainbowy.
Oh, they're so pretty.
They are lilac-breasted, as stated above.
Thank you again for coming back this week
to wrap up the epic tale of Sir Conference
and his traveling for others.
Wow, it's a very catchy question.
We totally just got superseded on our own podcast.
That just writes itself.
That just rolls off the tongue.
I went into it thinking, oh, God, I've got something.
And then it just fell apart.
It's Sir Conference and the fight against the turnt gobbos.
I was going for Sir Conference and the quest for jam,
but y'all can go that way.
That's fine, too.
We're getting jam.
Yeah, 100%.
Coming hell or high.
Hopefully both.
Or turnt gobbos.
We haven't run into either of those things yet.
So we're going to see how this episode goes.
Well, that's how Armageddon happens, right?
We have a plan.
You've got to stick to our plan.
The world.
I'm following as best I can here.
Jam and turnt gobbos.
Final five minutes.
There will be trouble.
Yeah, don't spoil the ending for us.
Spoilers.
Where there aren't spoilers is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And when you are a patron of ours,
you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Aaron Stevens.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Aaron.
Go check it out.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
Yeah.
Good job, Bertie.
The five of you are nearing the final day in your quest towards Daggerford.
It's a cloudy, overcast day.
You're getting a little tired.
You've taken adequate rest along the way,
but just walking that far takes it out of anybody.
All that training.
Trying to get my dueling up to snuff for circumference.
Glenn is doing excellent.
And so is Bertie.
Yeah, we're a great team.
Bertie is adequate.
Wow.
But see, what no one has seen is that out of the sight of everybody,
circumference is actually very proud of Bertie's progress.
He's just not showing it quite yet.
I earned my bird seed.
Thank you very much.
I also keep an extra stash of it when you tell me I don't earn it
so I can still have bird seed later.
It's like your secret candy stash.
Yeah, but like sunflower seeds.
What have Moot and Sully been up to?
I think Sully's been catching naps in the back.
I think he's been like, yeah, I'm going to go to this back corner,
because we're surrounding the caravan.
And then he hops up on the step that's there
and has really done very little walking in this entire trip.
Moot has been working on his powers of observation
because he felt like people have been seeing things on the road
and he's always like the last to see it.
So now he's like really trying to pay attention to things.
Like you're playing your own little game of eye spy with my little eye.
Yeah, and no one else knows that I'm doing it,
but like every now and then he just kind of like nods to himself.
Like, mm hmm.
What's one thing that you've seen that nobody else has seen?
A bird's nest in one of the trees.
No one else noticed it, but Moot saw it.
Good.
Or no one else thought it was important enough to mention.
Either way, you're carrying up the way.
You've turned off the main road and you're heading towards Daggerford.
Moot, because you're paying so very close attention.
Damien is still up front, but you're kind of just looking over his shoulder.
Perhaps he's engaged in conversation with Glim about the great dueling that you've been doing.
You see a small humanoid figure running up the path in front of you,
quite a distance away, running towards you.
The trees are overhanging, so it's quite shadowy in the area that you're in,
but it's running at a fair clip towards you.
Does anybody see that up ahead?
Or was I the first to spot it?
Oh, spot what?
Well, something's running towards us.
You can't see that.
Oh, hail and well met.
Thing!
Coming this direction, that Moot just pointed out.
Hello?
You hear, help, please hide, hide me.
And you see a goblin in noble clothes.
They're running towards you in your caravan,
and they're looking over their shoulder and running towards you.
And as they get closer, you see that they're wearing
clothes that are embroidered with the symbol of the Waterdeep Guard.
Oh, oh, oh, how can we help you?
Well, as they get closer, they catch their breath.
The goat riders, they're coming.
I'm sorry, the goat riders?
The goat riders.
Yes, that's where they get their name from, the goat riders.
They're coming.
They're coming after me, please hide me.
Why are they coming after you?
I was, I was sent to set up Daggerford and then, excuse me.
You're excused.
I was sent to set up Daggerford and then all of these vicious, vicious of goblins.
I mean, this is going to be a hard sell for you because I myself am a goblin.
But I don't, I don't, I fall in line with the City Guard of Waterdeep.
I don't fall in line with the way my people have taken, especially the goat riders.
They've got a bad name in and of themselves, but they bust in and they chased me out.
And they said they'd come get me for being a turncoat.
Oh, well, your coat doesn't seem turned at all.
Uh, and as birdies kind of like looking at them, I want to use my divine sense.
So I can detect good and evil and I can sense anything affected by the hollow spell
or know the location of any celestial fiend undead within 60 feet.
That's not beyond total cover.
Basically, I want to know if he's okay.
Like if he's good, if he's evil,
is he a turnt gobo or a gobo on our side?
You get the distinct feeling that he is being honest and he is telling you,
at least as far as you can tell, the truth as he knows it.
Sir, I think we need to help them.
You think that the goblin is speaking the truth.
This one seems to be totally truthful and good and not one of the goat rider turnt gobbos.
Yes, the goat riders.
Would you be willing to stake your life on it, squire?
Yes.
Okay, I wouldn't.
And he casts Zone of Truth on the little noble goblin and he's like,
First be ye friend or foe.
I got a wisdom save on that, don't I?
Yes.
I was trying to slide that one right past you too.
I'm not going to slide nothing past me.
That's uh, well, what's your DC?
Sounds like you probably slid it past him.
What's your DC?
13.
Okay, um, well, Sully, Amy, player knows, but I'm going to keep it.
How do you want to play this?
Because you wouldn't normally know.
So if it failed, it cannot tell a deliberate lie.
Yes, that is true.
But you, you as a character would not know necessarily.
Yeah, correct.
So I think circumference is going to play it under the assumption that it took
and he's going to roll with the information he gets.
Be ye friend or foe.
I'm, I'm a friend.
I'm of the, I'm of the Waterdeep City Guard.
And do you intend to hurt us?
No, I was hoping that you would, you would help me.
You come bearing the supplies that were sent towards Daggerford, no?
Well, I mean, I was just looking for the giant jam jar, but like, yeah.
Oh.
Do you know where the jam jar is?
The biggest one.
You must be truthfully if you know where the giant jam jar is.
The real, like the largest.
Well, how big have you heard that the giant jam jar is?
The world's largest jam jar.
I know of a very large jam jar.
We didn't say very large.
World's largest.
Wait, I feel like we've gotten off topic, sir.
Big bird arms, Bertie Lemieux.
Use your dress.
There you go.
Yes.
Yes, I know, I know where, if that will help get you to come help Daggerford.
Okay, I guess.
I know where there is a giant jam jar.
Giant jam jar.
Now we're talking.
See, sir, I told you he was very good and helpful.
All right.
Well, then how far away are these goat riders?
Well, they, I got away and I snuck away and I went through the trees and over the hills
and through, through, down through the forest here and then came out on here.
So I'm hoping they, I'm hoping they got distracted and went back or just gave up,
but they're back.
How many was there?
How big were the goats?
Were they like mountain climbing goats that can hop around or they just like small normal goats?
Root.
What?
They have big, they have big horns and they, they, they do hop.
I guess they could be mountain goats.
Yes.
See, that's important to know because a mountain goat is bigger than a normal goat,
which means they must be bigger so they can travel much farther.
Moot.
Glim.
Sully.
Wake up, Sully.
What do you all think?
What do we, what do you want to, do you want to help this, this noble fellow?
Do we believe him and we want to watch out for the oncoming storm?
Goat riders.
The oncoming goat riders.
And we're thinking that goat riders are the turn.
So they're turn goat.
The turn stop is on goats.
Turn goats.
Or goat riders turn.
I don't want it to sound like the goats are turned because I don't think that's the case.
No one has said that so far.
No, the goats are normal goats.
It's the gobbos who are turned.
The riders, goat riders of the storm.
Goat riding, turn gobbos.
Sully clamors down from the back of one of the caravan wagons and like comes up
like rubbing his eyes and is like, what the hell is going on here?
This guy's trying to sleep in the back.
Turned gobbos.
There's some burnt gobbos?
We're pretty sure.
No, turned gobbos.
We're pretty sure turned gobbos are coming on goats.
Okay, sorry.
So there are, there are goblins on goats?
Yes.
Says this water deep guard goblin.
I will call you a goblin.
Standing in my zone of truth.
I have been telling you the truth.
My name is Fen, Fen Talma.
I am of the water deep city guard.
I was sent to Daggerford to await you with all the supplies
to help set up the city for the people to come.
Oh my, but you seem really all right.
What did you do to this poor goblin?
He's so worked up right now.
Buddy, do you want to take a seat in the back of the caravan?
Well, I have been running since Daggerford.
Yeah, you go ahead.
We'll take care of these gobbos on ghosts.
Before you ghost, can you tell us how many there are?
Well, there were quite a few.
There was one larger goblin.
He seemed to be the leader barking orders.
They all went into Daggerford.
I was chased off by three, maybe four goat riding goblins, the goat riders.
And then there were a number of other goblins that went into the city.
Let's go fuck some shit up.
Yeah, what's the name of our merchant man Horace?
What's his name?
Herman?
Hey, Hamish.
Hiram?
Hamish, is this the nobleman that we seek?
Hamish didn't go with you.
Damien suddenly realized that, oh, forget that I said that.
Hmm.
I think we should help him because he seems like a very good and trustworthy person,
and we take care of these goat riders.
Plus it will be excellent experience for Glim.
Yes.
And Moot and Sully.
We came here to fight some goblins and see some jam,
and we're going to do at least one of those things today.
It's definitely the jam when we're done with the gobbos.
That's what I was thinking.
Let's do this thing.
Okay, you should probably be very careful because the goat riders, they're very wily.
So are we, wily, and like a little bird bob, like a head bob.
Okay, are we, are we, are we, how are we doing this?
I mean, you can stay here because you wanted to not-
Do you know where you're going?
To Daggerford?
Yeah.
Which one of you three are the tactician of your group?
Who takes point on these sorts of encounters?
Oh, I've been a tactician before.
Sully, what do you suggest we do?
I will follow your very learned lead.
Well, it all depends on whether or not we're using brass tacks,
or if we're using steel tacks, or if we're going to use some gold tacks,
and it all really depends on what kind of material you're tacking together.
Uh, I was planning to use my short sword to attack them.
Attack, Birdie, attack.
Yeah, see, attack.
I don't think we're talking about the same thing at all.
No, I haven't taken-
A tactician, I don't think it means what you think it means.
Yeah, I haven't taken that class yet.
I'm only a second year squire.
That's for third year squire.
What does Mute and Grimm suggest?
Maybe one of them have a better idea.
Why don't you have an idea?
You're the knight here.
I am.
And this would be a great experience to follow one of your leads into glorious battle
on the way to protect our new friend.
I don't think he wants to make the plan, you guys.
Well, I think Venn should come with us because he's in the city guard,
so he must be strong and brave and only had to run away because it's just him.
Overpowered, I was.
Exactly, but now you've got us.
So, and you know where we're going and you said you snuck away,
so maybe we can sneak in.
Yeah, I could help with that.
Okay, so we sneak in and we get them all.
So we sneak in, fight the turn gobbos, eat some jam.
I like that plan.
This sounds great.
That's a way better plan than I had, which was use him as bait.
Glad we're listening to you.
I answered everything truthfully to the best of my knowledge.
That's where you went first.
I wouldn't take it personal.
I went to Sully first, to be fair.
That was like third or fourth down the list, so we'll put you in the back.
And that was your first mistake.
Okay, well.
How about Sully protect you?
Y'all can take the back.
Yes.
Cool, yeah, sure.
I don't know what's happening.
We're going to sneak in to Daggerford and take care of the gobo problem
and then have jam.
All right.
You continue up the path towards Daggerford.
You hide as best you can your caravan before you get to where Finn says
the sight lines of Daggerford are.
You clear through the forest line and you see as you come around the corner
a walled city and he says there's Daggerford and it overlooks
the river that you now see opening up off to the south of the city.
The big one, I think he's probably, I don't know if he was able to get
into the castle.
They had everything pretty boarded up, but he probably went at least
to one of the bigger, to the bigger houses.
And as you watch for a moment, you see now six
goat riding goblins, goblins riding, six, yeah, goat riding goblins.
Not goats riding goblins.
Six goat riding goblins moving around the perimeter.
You see several goblins off into the pier, off in the river.
They're like ransacking through ships and you see a few kind of running
in and out of the city.
Well, if I know anything about goblins, and I think I do, and it's kind of like
being in prison, you gotta kill the biggest one.
Oh, you just take out the biggest goblin and then all the other goblins
don't know what to do anymore?
Yeah, they're really simple hate and offense.
No, it's fine.
I separated ways with their kind quite a while ago.
Yeah, so, you know, if they don't have anyone to take any
direction from, they just kind of disband until they come across the next bigger goblin.
Okay.
Okay, so let's go find the big guy then.
Yes.
And how do we sneak in?
Quietly.
Quietly is probably best.
There are two main entrances.
Well, there's the main entrance there.
There's one smaller entrance that goes underground often to the north of the city there.
If we can time, I don't know, the perimeter check or take out one of the goat-riding goblins,
maybe we can sneak in the north entrance?
We gotta go through the north entrance if we can take out one of the guard goblins.
I'd say we could try and disguise.
I could probably disguise, you know, Sully and Birdie here.
They're small.
Yes.
Disguised as what?
As goblins.
Wait, you think you could disguise me as a goblin?
She's covered in feathers.
Feathery.
They are covered in feathers.
They are covered in feathers, yes.
I've picked up many good skills along the way, but you let me know which way you want to go.
We could sneak you both through.
I don't know about your taller friends.
They would be much more difficult.
Does anybody have a bow and arrow?
Oh, yeah, I do.
I have a crossbow.
I gotta show a bow.
Because maybe we could just time the perimeter guards, shoot one, and then get in.
Sure.
I like the costume idea.
I love a full costume montage.
But maybe, maybe we shouldn't separate because, no offense, Fen,
there is still a possibility that you're just tricking us.
That's fair.
He did yell zone of truth at me, though.
He did.
And I assume that stands for something in your group.
It does, to me.
Yep.
It's when we all agree to just tell the truth in that circle of trust.
Trust circle.
Sully pulls out his short bow.
Bertie's just covered in weapons and no one seems to notice.
So from around their back, they pull out a heavy crossbow.
Maybe I should call you arsenal and not root.
It blends in with my plumage because I painted it.
Yeah, the plumage is so thick.
To camouflage.
And I painted it to match.
Wow.
I love it even more.
That's amazing camouflage.
It's kind of like the disguise I would have used on you.
Yeah, it's a lot easier, I think, to camouflage a crossbow to look like my
plumage than to make my plumage look like a gobo.
You're not wrong.
It might have been a work of art.
Well.
But I was willing to try if that's what you wanted.
Another day.
While everyone's talking, Sully lets loose an arrow at one of the guards on goats.
Oh, we're starting.
Time the show.
No, Sully's going for it.
Because you're still at the main entrance.
You haven't even gone around to the side entrance yet.
Yeah, I just started shooting.
Okay, oh, we're doing this.
Okay.
Okay, roll.
And your halfling friend takes the initiative quite literally.
Okay, so there's one right out front that gets pegged right in the head
with your crossbow bolt.
It goes, it lets out, you hear just like an eee,
and it drops off of the goat and the goat runs off one way.
Some goblins run out the main door, main entrance, which they have been doing.
In my description, they look, they yell,
and then you hear like a jangling going on inside, like a makeshift bell of sort.
And you see them all start to rush back towards Daggerford.
Guys, I think I made a mistake.
But we're here now, and Brady yells,
take that gobo and fires a crossbow bolt at one.
As Damien says to Sully, you're a paragon of stealth.
Thank you, Seth.
That's a six.
There's a lot happening.
It goes wide and kind of skids to the ground.
The goblin you were aiming at sees it and turns and looks up towards where it came from.
Are you at all trying to hide at this point, anybody?
Oh yeah, well Sully's hiding.
He's like behind a tree.
He's all stealthy and shit.
Brady popped up, yelled, take that gobos, fired.
And then when the gobo looked at them, because they didn't get it,
they tried to duck back down, but didn't make it.
So you see, because they saw you, you see that they see where you are.
And you see goblins running up and on the walls now, and they too have crossbows.
Sir, I think we need a strategic retreat.
Well, quick group.
Do we retreat and regroup or do we just sally forth into the fray?
Then we're going to die.
No, I think we run.
Yeah, we're going to die.
There is honor in living to fight.
Another day retreat.
Strategic retreat.
And Brady gets like flapping behind circumference.
Are Glim and Moot also retreating?
Oh, I mean, I think we have to.
There are so many goblins.
There are a lot of goblins.
Too many gobos.
So many more than I originally thought.
We didn't even get close enough to see if they were turnt.
Who knows what kind of party atmosphere is in that castle.
Tom Fritz was definitely trying to be quiet,
because he knew he's in pretty much full plate armor and a cape,
so he knew he wasn't going to be stealthy.
And then y'all are like, here, have some arrows.
We're right here.
And he's like, oh, maybe I should have just gone.
I don't think we all did that.
No, I think just one of us did.
No, Sully did it and then Brady thought that's what we were doing,
so Brady tried to help.
Sully heard we're going to shoot them,
and then he just went with that information.
OK, so you are booking it back to the caravan.
The drivers, who we haven't introduced at all,
see you coming running full tilt.
Are you, start the caravan.
They're busy trying to get their horses moving
and the wagons going in the opposite direction,
and you hear the sound of hooves coming from behind you.
You turn to see, coming up over the hill,
seven goblins riding goats.
I think about 30 feet behind the caravan.
So between the caravan and the goats of the storm,
Damien turns around with his back to the caravan
and kind of tanks in position to try to guard our flank.
So, Brady, if you're going to be next to me, be next to me.
Brady will be next to you.
Cool.
A squire stays with their knight.
That's right, Root.
What are Moot, Glim, and Sully doing?
The drivers are trying to turn the caravan back around.
OK, and there isn't any other passengers, is there?
It's all just goods.
OK, then I will also stay to fight.
I don't need to help the drivers.
They are better at doing the driving than I am.
So I will fight.
Sully will fight, too, because he got us into this mess.
Yeah, Moot's ready for it.
OK, set a timer here.
Everybody, roll initiative.
We all strike a dramatic team pose.
21.
Oh, my god.
Guys, I rolled a one, so it's a good start.
It's all right.
You got it out of the way.
Exactly.
That's right.
17 for Moot.
19 for Bertie Lemieux.
24.
OK, so the goblins are far enough out
that they're not going to make it to you this turn.
They are charging towards you.
Damien is up first.
Oh, and you said they're how far out?
I know you said not this turn, but.
Goat running full tilt.
Do the math and the physics.
Can you say they're going to dash on their turn?
If seven goblins on goats, leave Daggerford.
Yeah, are they African or European?
Let's say they're 80 feet out.
That's a far off goblin.
And as they get to about 80 feet,
you see on the backs of the goats
that there are, in fact, two goblins per goat on some of them.
Two goblins per goat.
OK, I think what Damien's going to do
is he's going to actually hold his turn
until the first two gobo goat gets within melee attack range.
OK, so right up on you.
Yeah.
OK, Sully.
Sully is going to shoot his short bow at any of whichever ones.
Sure.
Oh, no, he might not.
14.
Are you aiming for the goblin or the goat?
Oh, the goblin.
What kind of a monster do you think I am?
I mean, you started all this shit, so.
Never once shot a goat.
Fair enough.
And she also aimed for a goblin that time, Russ.
Yes, you do hit the goblin.
Oh, I do hit the goblin.
Make a big fucking deal about it if I actually hit him.
Nine damage.
You hit that goblin square in the chest
and it falls to the ground.
There's a goblin sitting behind it
who takes the reins of the goat and continues to charge forward.
Bertie.
Bertie is going to aim their crossbow at a gobo, but not a goat,
and is going to try and attack them.
That's an 11.
It glances off the shoulder plate armor of one of these goats
and goes wide up into the trees.
Ah, before I am done, who of our new friends
has the lowest armor class?
Because I'm going to cast Shield of Faith on them.
Oh, oh, it's me, it's me, it's me.
Okay, perfect.
Moot, I am going to cast Shield of Faith on you.
And a little shimmery, probably turquoisey field comes around you
and you get plus two to your AC for 10 minutes.
What is your armor class?
Normally, it's 10.
You're welcome.
Well, I'm a sorcerer.
They don't exactly wear plate mail.
That's true.
That's fair.
And just so I know, Bertie, you're to my right, like within five feet.
Is anyone else within five feet of me?
I probably am.
I imagined us all standing.
Kind of in a line.
The three of us are Charlie's Angels style.
Yes.
I don't know.
Okay.
I'm Cameron Diaz.
Okay, Moot, as you get the signal that you have a higher armor class now,
it is your turn.
I am going to use my cantrip Frostbite.
So I am causing a numbing frost to form on one creature
that I can see within range.
I'll take the lead Gobbo.
Okay.
He has to make a constitution saving throw.
Well, you know, Goblin's in their constitution.
Through the roof, I know.
Three.
Yeah, yeah.
So you're going to take 1d6 cold damage
and that Gobbo will have disadvantage on the next weapon attack roll it makes
before the end of his next turn.
All right, roll me some damage.
Six damage.
It lets out a scream in pain as the frost begins to course through its body
and it releases its hands from the reins
and it's just hopping on top of this goblin
or on top of this goat.
Oh my God, Goblin's riding Goblins.
Oh no.
What does this goblin come to?
That's sad.
And that is all for your turn?
That's it.
Glim.
I am going to cast Bless on Circumference and Birdie
and, well, let's say Sully because, you know,
Mood already got a spell cast on him.
So I'm going to Bless three creatures
and when you make an attack roll or a saving throw for the next one minute
you can roll an extra d4 and add that to it.
To the attack roll, not the damage?
Attack roll or saving throw.
Cool.
The wagons have kind of turned themselves perpendicular in the path.
You look back and you see that the goblins,
the ones that are riding double on the goat,
hop off and tuck and roll and run into the trees.
So you see four goblins run into the trees.
At this point, two goats are running just with the pack with no goblins on top.
So five goblins are still on goats.
Two goats are goblin-less and four goblins have run into the trees.
Is this a Dr. Seuss book?
The goats have dashed forward and they come up to you.
You can get your attack there, Damian.
Oh, all right.
So if that's the case, Circumference, he has shield in one hand
and Giant Slayer's sword in the other hand
and he reels back and he slices out at one of the double gobo goats that come near him.
23.
Yeah, that will hit.
That, yes.
And sorry, you're swinging at the double gobo goat?
No, no, no, at above the goat.
I just got it.
I'm just making sure.
He wants to continue his slice through the two goblins.
That's the goal.
So he gets 10 points of damage and he gets a second attack.
12.
12 does not hit.
The first cut through does go through one goblin and slices into a second goblin.
And then your second swing goes wide as the goblins are now crashing into your location.
And now it's back to your actual turn, Damian.
All right.
He's going to repeat it on the same two goblins because he wants to take them out.
Ah, Jesus.
Well, the first one's a 12, so that didn't work.
Yeah, it's with a d4.
So that one was an 11.
So he connected and then he just got way too excited.
He was trying to think of some quip before he actually hit.
That didn't work out too well, but he's got his shield at the ready.
So any goblins that attack either Glim or Bertie Lemieux,
he as a reaction can impose disadvantage on their attack rolls.
Okay, sounds good.
Sully, you are up.
All of the goat goblins are now right up on you.
And you saw four goblins run off into the trees a ways back.
Okay, can I try and how tall are these goats?
They're goat size.
Can Sully vault over the head of a goat as it comes towards him so that he can land
reverse cowgirl on this goat and in front of a goblin?
In the lap of a goblin, that's what he wants to do.
Like dexterity?
Is that like acrobatics?
I think there's going to be some acrobatics involved in this.
Oh no.
Do I get to add four to this roll?
No, attack roll or saving throw.
Dang, that's only an eight.
How I picture this is they're charging towards you.
You're staring down this goat, you reach for the horns and you throw yourself up,
which I guess in a sense helps because you drive one goat down and it stumbles.
You fly over top, not fly, but you like jump because you're not propelling yourself very far,
but you come face to face with the goat right in behind and it hits you
for four bludgeoning damage with its horns.
I don't even get to stab anything.
I mean, you're on the face of a goat right now, so.
Is it still my turn?
You haven't done anything.
I think I've done enough.
Um, with what I'm, I'm holding onto the horn of one goat and with my other hand,
I take a dagger out and I dagger into the side of the goblin riding this goat.
Roll to attack.
Yeah, son of a mother fucking.
That one you can add.
I can add a D4 to this one.
Okay.
So that's seven plus 14 that will hit.
Nice.
Okay.
One D4 plus five.
Jesus.
Uh, this is six.
There's it's too much.
Can't handle it.
Yeah.
All right.
So it's six.
Did I say that out loud?
We're here in the middle.
How you doing?
We're gonna talk at you for a while.
Wait for a response.
We're here.
Oh, it's still going.
No one's talking to me.
I'm just going to keep going.
Oh, okay.
I mean, I was curious to see how long it would go.
I just wanted to see if he was going to keep rhyming.
He didn't.
No, no rhymes usually end up very quickly.
And that's usually when I bail on it.
And then we jump into the middle.
Hi everybody.
Welcome to the middle.
Hey listeners, welcome to the middle.
We're just your friends who have awkward conversations before they talk to you.
You know, we're those people at the party.
You know, like normal friends.
We are those people.
It's true.
Accurate.
We just wanted to remind you while we had you here,
had your undivided attention,
that we have another show that is in its second episode right now,
second of 10 episodes, and it's called Facing Fate.
And it's really super cool, we think.
And we'd like you to go check it out.
Yes, we would love it if you would go listen to it.
It is different.
Do you like kind of thrills and suspense?
Sci-fis.
Sci-fi and space.
Otherworldly things.
And other stuff.
And hooks.
Don't forget the hooks.
So many hooks.
All those background hooks we have to cut in in post.
Background hooks.
By we, I mean Russ.
Yep, so you got to listen to all 10 episodes.
Find all the hooks and then you win the prize.
Yay.
And the prize is that you got to listen to our new podcast, Facing Fate.
Now you're hooked on it and you'll probably come out and see us for season two.
Finally somebody saw what I was doing with the hooks.
I got it, you guys.
I'll take total credit for that.
Absolutely.
Where you can hear the actually the full season is over on Patreon.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
All of our patrons of dumb dragons productions, which we are.
Yeah, that's us.
That's us.
Word.
How fancy are we?
Super fancy.
They get early access to full seasons of Facing Fate before they drop for the public.
So over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
You can go check that out.
And over there, you also, even at the, our entry level tier, which is $2 a month,
you get access to another podcast in and of itself, which is super sweet.
It's exclusive to patrons only.
And it's our side scroller.
It's, you know, kind of Russ named it The Adventures of,
because Tom refused to give a name.
That's right.
Sticking with our usual tradition.
He can refuse.
And Tom is the DM.
Yeah.
Tom is the DM.
Russ is full of shenanigans as a player.
I thought you were going to say full of shit.
Yes, that too.
Russ is just full of shit.
Russ, Russ plays a tabaxi bard.
Amy plays a Goliath barbarian and Carla plays an ASMR monk.
So we have a very wide range of things going on.
There are, we're in our third season over there.
So there are more seasons than the main feed.
So if you think about it that way, more bang for your buck.
Oh, yeah.
I hear now, in hindsight, what we've talked about in the middle of this time.
And it was a lot of, you know, it's great listening to us.
You know, it would be great just to a little bit more us as different people.
It's real fun.
We wouldn't love it if you did.
Have you found you just don't get enough of us?
I've heard that before.
Once you get caught up, people are like, oh, I wish we had more.
Well, now what do I do?
We have so many bonus things over there.
So many options.
So many.
I haven't done the math in a while,
but it's got to be close to like 40 hours of bonus content.
Damn, that's a lot of bonus content.
So much bonus content.
You're just giving it away.
And a lot of that is the side scrollers.
Some of that is the full season of Facing Fate,
which you can hear right to the completion right now.
And part of it is even the Flammacons backstory.
Flammacons backstory, which has Flammacons,
which has Sean Howard GMing us playing Dungeon World.
And there's a pirate ship.
And there's a song.
There's an original theme song.
So much good stuff.
Our good friend Travis Van Grof wrote us a sweet, sweet song
that we just love to bits.
And we would hope that you want to go check it out too.
Which brings us to our final point.
Today's episode featured David and Tiffany Albert
of North by NorthQuest.
And we just want to thank David and Tiffany
who just showed up because they've been sitting here
so quietly.
Thank you, David and Tiffany.
Of course.
Thank you.
You guys are lovely.
So the funnest.
If you want to tell everybody where they can find you
real quick.
For sure.
Yeah, we are part of the North by NorthQuest podcast.
You can find us on all the socials at NXNQuest
or online at northbynorthquest.com.
And literally anywhere you want to find a podcast
because we're there.
Yep.
Drop us a line.
Say hey.
Tell us about how amazing Dumbgeons and Dragons is
or if you want to start listening to us
what your favorite character is.
You know, that's always cool.
And we want to say thank you for having us.
Yes.
We quick, quick little note.
We had actually, we knew Russ and Amy a little
kind of like online.
But we got to hang out with them a lot at D&D Live
and in person everything.
It was nice to actually get to play with everybody
and do this.
So we appreciate y'all having us.
And it was fun.
Also, I got to play in episode one of podcast
into Avernus and rusted number two.
So it's been fun to play in with him
and now play with him as well.
So tick your dungeon master at the end of the night.
Oh, yeah.
We sent you a box.
Yes, we did.
I forgot about that.
And now we're going to get you back to the episode.
Thank you very much.
All the links that we mentioned today
are down in the description.
So go check all of that stuff out.
Thank you very much.
Enjoy the rest of this Turnt Gobble's jam quest
that we are on right now.
Keep jamming.
Get your best game of Mad Libs ever.
So good.
OK, bye, everybody.
Bye.
Yeah, you stab into this goblin side
and we're going to say that this is the one
that circumference hit as well on his second,
on his like the second goblin he hit
on his first swing.
So you stab in and he falls off.
So now you're on the face of this running goat
who is running away.
Oh.
See you later, suckas.
Birdie, you're up.
Since the Gobbles are much closer now,
Birdie is going to fling their crossbow back
on their back and pull their short sword.
They are going to cast wrathful smite on it.
Which is going to cause extra damage,
psychic damage if I hit.
So let's try to hit them with my short sword.
OK.
So that's a 23.
You got it.
Perfect.
So it's going to deal extra d6 of psychic damage
and they need a wisdom saving throw
or they're frightened of me.
So that is 11 points of damage
and then they need a wisdom save.
They don't because they're obliterated.
Yeah, I'm terrifying.
Wouldn't have saved it anyways,
but they explode in a goblin gut behind.
And if I do my math correctly,
that is all the goblin riding goats.
So the goblins are, yes.
So the goats just keep riding goblins.
That is all the goblins that were on top of goats.
The goats continue to run past Sully
on the face of one moot.
You are up.
There are four goblins as far as you are aware
that have run off into the trees
in more flanking movements.
Are any of them visible to me?
Make an investigation check.
I can do that.
Oh, that's a nat 20.
Hey!
All that practice you were doing on the road
is really paying off.
Looking at stuff.
And that's exactly it.
All your practice,
you watch them run off into the trees
and you've been tracking one of them.
You see one of them kind of poke its head out
looking towards you
and it has a crossbow in its hand.
All right, I will unleash a ray of frost towards it.
Okay.
All right, I have to roll to hit
for a ranged attack spell.
That is a 17.
17 will hit.
This beam of frosty light shoots out of my hands,
hits its square in the shoulder,
and it takes seven cold damage.
You see it look panicked
as this ray of frost shoots out,
hits part of the tree,
but also the goblin.
And it doesn't look like it moves,
but it's frosted all along the side
and it no longer is moving after that.
It is frozen in place.
Moot kind of just like blows on his hand.
Glim, you are up.
Can I roll perception
to see if I see any of the ones in the woods?
It's not great.
It's a 12.
You see movement.
You don't see the goblin specifically,
but you see movement.
There's kind of sound of rustling trees
and bushes nearing your location
on either side of this path.
Okay.
Well, it's just swinging there
with the old war pick.
Why not?
That is a 19.
Just bushwhacking over there.
Yeah, you run in thinking
you know where you're going
and you swing down hard into a goblin.
You can roll damage.
11.
No.
Yes, 11.
No, I'm lying.
10.
That was a ride.
That was real hard.
That was, sorry, damage?
10.
Hard into a surprised goblin
who didn't see you coming
and you catch it right in the top of the head
and it is dead.
There are two more goblins in trees
and they let loose two crossbow bolts,
one towards Damian
and one towards Moot.
Enough.
You still have that extra armor class.
Damian, that's going to be a 6.
I'm thinking that's not going to hit.
No.
Moot, that's going to be a 15.
Oh, the extra armor class isn't enough.
It will.
Okay, a shot, a bolt comes flying out
and you will take 6 piercing damage.
That's like a good chunk of my hit points.
We're very soft new characters.
I didn't expect you guys to stir up the whole fucking nest.
Are you less than half?
Is that what you said?
Not yet.
No, I'm still above half.
Okay.
I can help you if you get too low.
I will keep you posted
because it's probably going to happen.
You got three pAlydins in the group.
The two goblins.
You see where the bolts come from
revealing their location.
The wagons are turned right around now
and are beginning to follow the goats
who have run past them.
Damien, you are up.
All right, so two questions.
One is, can I see where any of the two remaining goblins are?
And two, is there any sign of the big, big gobo at Honcho?
You did not see specifically any goblin larger
than the other ones, if that's what you're going off of.
Yeah, you do see where the bolts came from.
You also see movement after the bolts were shot
leading you to believe that they might be running.
Okay, he's going to take chase
or at least try to get to their position if he can.
And if not, he's going to just try to follow after them.
Okay, there's one on either side of the path.
The right.
Okay.
That's the direction.
Distance you're dashing.
I'm dashing so I can get up to 60 feet.
Okay, you dash into the wood following the movement
and tracks that you find once you get to where you saw the bolt
and you get within 10 feet of the goblin.
You see it running back towards through the trees,
kind of skipping and jumping through the bushes
in order to get back to Daggerford.
And I brandish my sword at it menacingly
and say, I'll get you gobo on my next turn.
And by next turn, I mean in about six seconds from now.
You're the worst.
Yes.
Okay, Sully, you're on the face of a goat running the other way.
As one does.
So you're about 80 feet away from your friends.
I want to kind of vault myself up and onto the back of this goat.
Okay.
Here for it.
Give me an animal handling for this one.
No, goat riding.
Sully riding a goat always ends well.
Wrong chant.
Seven.
It ended well.
I am here for this.
Okay, describe to me what Sully does
and then I'll tell you what actually happens.
Okay, well, Sully is thinking that if he just pulls hard enough
down on the horns of this goat.
I can see where the seven came in.
That he is going to like propel himself like,
woo, like legs like in the splits,
like he does like like a little pike
and then he's just going to land on the back of this goat.
Which totally happens, right?
Totally happens.
So you pull down on the goat.
I like ground this goat.
Not knowing your own strength or the strength of the goat,
you throw it down and it's panicked
and it throws itself and rolls into the ground.
You thinking you're going to land on a goat,
land on the ground,
only to see another goat running right towards you,
make a dexterity saving throw.
Not again.
Man.
21.
Failed it.
Yeah.
You see the goat running towards you and you nimbly dodge
and with the saving throw of that,
I think you pull yourself up onto this goat behind you.
Oh, no.
You meant to do that the whole time.
Right?
That other goat had it coming.
I was like, fuck this goat.
Are you turning the goat?
Yes, I would like to turn the goat.
Okay, you're turning the goat back towards the action.
So now the goat's turned?
Now the goat's turned.
Birdie, you see Damien flee into the woods
in chase of a goblin screaming something non sequitur.
Oh, I'm coming too.
And Birdie will follow to take on the other gobo.
You follow to the other side.
You make it two within five feet of that goblin.
It was a little bit closer.
I'm going to swing my short sword at them
and I still have wrathful smite.
But that is over 20.
Over 20 doesn't hit goblins, come on now.
All righty.
So that is my dice are trying to attack.
Okay, that is another 11 points of damage
and another wisdom save or be terrified
of the force of Birdie Lemieux.
Or be butchered by Birdie Lemieux.
The fear is strong with these gobos.
Fear is strong.
Yes, you cut that goblin down
as it's running back towards Daggerford.
So everybody else is kind of out of conflict.
We'll go back to Damien who's chasing a goblin.
Just the normal Tuesday.
Birdie's following.
You can hear the little pit.
Yeah, but you're on the opposite side of the path.
You're on the other side.
Yep.
Oh, I was following.
Okay.
You said I'm following
and then ran in the complete opposite direction.
I thought both of the goblins went in the same direction
and they were just like one was on the right
and one was on the left.
But apparently it was the other right and left.
I stand by my choices.
Damien's going to actually try to dive
and tackle this goblin to the ground.
Okay.
Yeah.
You want to strength?
Yeah, let's go.
Yeah, strength.
Grapple.
Yeah.
All right, 23.
You do so.
You leap out and you grab this three-foot goblin
in your full plate armor and take it to the ground.
Perfect.
I'm going to take out my rope.
I'm going to tie its hands behind its back.
Going to hog-tie a goblin.
I'm going to hog-tie the goblin.
Then I'm going to carry the goblin back out of the woods.
Full plate, cape billowing, goblin out in front of me
saying, here you go.
I figured, take it alive.
Maybe we can get some information about this.
I never tell you anything.
Bertie's going to walk up to you
and back you up and try to look intimidating.
Is this good cop, bad cop?
It's good cop, bad squire.
Good.
Wait.
So, okay.
Well, I'm a squire.
Be a bad squire.
So intimidating.
I'm going to try to use intimidation.
That's a 10.
You are a giant purple bird.
I'm like the same height as the goblin, but a bird.
I ain't going to tell that big one anything.
I'm going to tell you, fluffy feathers.
Am I still riding this goat?
You've arrived back on top of this goat.
Okay.
Sully arrives back on a goat.
No one pays attention.
It's like a normal Tuesday.
Sully, we have a hostage.
Do you want to try to puppet for information?
Phrasing, sir.
Yeah, well, I can ask you probably a couple questions.
Yeah, question them.
What's your name?
I'm not telling you.
How you doing?
I'm having better days.
Yeah, no, I feel you.
Can I, um, uh, I'm not trying to hurt it, but I want to like blow my breath weapon
like around it.
What is that?
I'll eat you.
You'll eat me?
Oh, yeah, if you don't give us the information we want.
And change your ways for better.
Oh, I changed my ways for better.
I see how it is here.
You're just a bunch of people trying to change the way goblins think, are you?
No, no, man, you do you.
But I mean, like, we just need to help the town and y'all seemed like you weren't
helping the town.
Help the town.
You fired arrows into the into the citizens of the town.
You're not the citizens of the town.
The citizens of the town haven't come yet.
We're here, aren't we?
Find us keep us does not apply in this situation.
I think there was nobody there.
We went in.
We was there.
And then we got not a case of squatters.
Right.
Let's say we're going to get into a whole whole debate about squatters.
Hold on.
Where's noble Horace?
Where's our noble noble gob?
Where is the?
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
I can't remember which voice I was using, but yes, this this is me.
Yes.
You're the one who said that this goblin, as he points to the other goblin, nameless
goblin, said that they were bad.
Maybe you should talk to the goblin.
What kind of information are we trying to get here?
Well, we need to resolve this turt gobo conflict.
And, uh, well, we've resolved some of the gobos.
With death.
Well, yeah.
To be fair, they attacked us on goats.
That's true.
We did.
We did attack us on goats.
So it was self goat defense.
Also known as a clean bisection.
So wait a second.
All you want is to just rehabilitate this here property that we have maybe
turned into a goblin village.
Yes, that is correct.
Yes.
Is there a place for goblins in this goblin village?
Oh, well, we can probably talk about that.
There's a place for all goodly folk in this village.
We were just charged with bringing goods and food and the like to the
the starving and ill willed folks of Daggerford.
You see, you're not supposed to tell them what's inside the caravan.
You see their face.
I didn't tell him that there was good food and bolts of cloth.
Oh, well, why didn't you just say so?
You could have strolled right on up.
We would have let you rolled out the red carpet that you're carrying in there.
I don't know if we have red.
Do we have red?
Red's kind of an expensive color.
We would have known if Sully hadn't shot a bolt.
Well, let's not point fingers and nothing.
That's true.
What if we were able to like strike some sort of deal with
with the goblins currently live in there that we could maybe
do this whole living in harmony kind of thing?
What if we all got turnt with the goblins and it just became one real turnt town?
A jam party.
Oh, you like jam too?
We do like jam.
We've heard a lot about this giant jar of jam.
It's delicious.
World's largest jar of jam.
I mean, it's kind of like it's kind of like half empty now.
Half full, depending on how you look at it.
You don't need to be so negative.
It's half full of jam, but it's still the largest jam jar.
Too shit.
I still want to see it regardless either way.
All right.
So what's in it for goblins?
I can't just take you in there to be like, they've come to
Partake in the jam?
Take us out and partake in the jam and then kick us out on our tookuses.
Well, what if we make a gobo district?
Yeah, like a fun gobo neighborhood.
A gobo neighborhood.
Like a section of the town just for you.
Wow.
And more immediately, I will un-hogtie you and you will no longer be a hog a goblin.
I mean, that might go a little bit of a ways in order to, you know,
go on good faith, so to speak.
Good faith, you won't even tell us your name.
Well, so far you've murdered nine of my friends.
That you did attack us on goats.
After you murdered my best friend.
Oh God, I'm so sorry.
Best friend.
That's unfortunate.
He was out there.
It was, he was one week from retirement.
Oh no, did he have a retirement plan?
We were going to go to a party.
What was his life insurance fund like?
Was he like a 401k or something like that?
Goblins don't really have those sorts of things.
I don't know if you know, we just kind of, we just kind of.
With the fees.
Okay, well why don't, look, I'm really, really sorry.
Would some sunflower seeds make up for it?
I do like sunflower seeds.
Okay, I'm going to part with some of my secret stash
that sir doesn't know about.
What was that?
Nothing.
No, that one, sir.
He's kind of a weird thing about him, doesn't he?
Hey guys, I'm going to say something weird right now,
but what if we were to donate our portion of our earnings
for this trip to setting up the goblin district
in this neighborhood as a show of good face
and making like all harmony and stuff.
You want to donate all 50 gold that we're getting
for this trip to the goblins?
Your number keeps changing every time man,
before there was 100 gold in there.
With possibility of 125.
That's right.
Yes.
But you're not supposed to lead with that.
Well.
So is that sort of enough monies
in order to set up a goblin district?
Absolutely.
I mean, it's definitely a good start.
It's a good start.
Especially since we're already setting up this city anyway.
Yeah, it just gets set up with the city
and you guys can decorate it however you like.
You can reinvest it in the local economy?
Yeah, and maybe just don't kill people and stuff.
He's taking the seeds and eating them.
It's like one at a time.
Everybody who's trying to do this make a persuasion roll.
Not Damien.
He's still got them hot tied and holding them above the ground.
12.
16.
14.
I'm good at that.
22.
You know, the sunflower seeds are really selling it for me here.
Okay, we can go back.
We can talk to the boss.
I can smooth things over,
and we can set up this little district here
as long as these seeds keep coming.
Oh, yeah.
It's just one at a time.
Bertie looks at every seed that they hand you.
They just look the tiniest bit sad that it had to go.
Okay, as long as I'm still tied up and with you folks,
I need to keep getting seeds.
That's all I gotta say.
I mean, we can untie you.
I will untie you, but Bertie Little Mew will be
in charge of you until we get back to the city.
Unless I propose you take on the charge of Glim
and become their squire.
Oh, no, I don't think that's gonna happen.
Why not?
Haven't you wanted to see the world?
I mean, I feel like this podcast has had a goblin,
and I don't feel like maybe we need another one quite yet.
What if we just try it out as we go back to Daggerford
and we talk to your leader?
Yeah.
Your king?
Jincy.
Oh, Jincy.
Okay.
The local goblin comptroller.
Squiredom is very fulfilling.
And put forth our proposal.
Right, right, right.
Okay, well, let's do that.
Do you take all the wagons with you
or do you just go as a group?
I think we take the wagons.
It's a show of good faith.
We're far too trusting.
And we need to actually set up the town.
So, interned gobo district.
You make it back into the city
because you have this goblin with you.
You are allowed through the gates
and they let all the wagons through.
And you get into the center of town
where the goblin leader, Jincy, comes out.
And she is a large goblin for goblin standards.
And she's wearing furs and chains.
And she comes out and she says,
what is going on out here?
Well.
Hello.
They've come.
They've got seeds.
They untied me.
I'm going to gliss over the fact
because we're trying to build bridges here
that they may have killed a few of us.
We're fine about that.
Let's not talk about that.
Yeah, we're fine about that.
We would like to talk with you
about setting up a goblin district in this city
to live harmoniously with the rest of the people
coming to live here.
We'll say that you go through the whole spiel
that you just went through with the first goblin.
Everybody roll persuasion again.
18.
Oh, 17.
18.
You finish your speech.
And Jincy, who's drinking from a mug
that's much too large for her.
You're not sure what she's drinking.
It doesn't look like anything that should be consumed.
How turnt would you say she is?
Super turnt.
Hold on.
Let me roll for turnt.
Real turnt.
I mean, that's a 10.
So I mean, on a turnt scale, it's pretty good.
So 50% turnt.
She's getting there.
Yeah.
Um, she ponders everything that's been said.
And she says, all right.
All right.
But you don't think they're going to want to kick us out.
They're just going to put us into a little section
that's just for us.
And we get to partake in all of the things.
The 401K that you mentioned earlier,
the life insurance policies.
Well, I think that's based upon your individual employer.
But I think as long as you don't kill anybody,
everybody will be fine.
You just have to be good neighbors.
Yes.
There's a lot of reward to come with
just making sure you're not killing your neighbors.
That's true.
All right.
You have full buy-in and support of Little Goblin Town.
Turnt Gobbo District.
I like that.
You know, the name's not important.
But you know what?
This isn't, this isn't an official deal
until we celebrate with jam.
Jam.
Finally.
Jam.
All the Goblins are enchanting along with you
as they carry you forth through the city
towards the world's largest jam jar,
which is now in dagger version, of course.
And it is half full.
It's also their primary mode of tourism commerce
for this town.
Yeah.
It's good to have a plan of tourism commerce
when creating a new town.
That's right.
Well, especially when it falls in the Goblin District.
So they're going to be in charge of running it.
That's true.
They got to keep that stuff.
See, we've already helped them create income
in their district.
They've got a nice little economy going.
Plus, I imagine they'll start some,
like the best nightclubs will be in the Goblin District.
Oh, yeah.
Where everybody goes to get turnt.
It's going to be amazing.
It's great.
What kind of jam is it?
It's...
Strawberry.
Oh, hard.
Hardly strawberry right there.
Strawberry jam.
It's been in my head since the start of like...
It's like a cartoon strawberry just painted on.
It might not actually be real strawberry jam.
It might be some other flavor,
but they painted a strawberry on it.
And so Bertie is convinced.
So as we're walking towards the jam,
Damian sensing that the end of this quest
is kind of wrapping up prior to whatever his
and Bertie Lemuse is about to be next time.
And he decides to kind of slip off
and have a quick moment with each of the three new friends
that he's made.
First, he walks over to Glim amidst the crowd.
And he says, again, not in his usual boisterous manner.
Glim, you have great potential
and the practice that we've had over the last few days,
I am very much impressed with your early dueling skills.
I really think you have a knack.
And I have seen people set out on this road and fail before.
I truly believe you will not be one of those people.
Good luck with your quest going forward.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, it's so nice.
Yes.
And then he walks over to Moot and he slips Moot a note
that has scribbled on it.
All he says is some of this information
may be useful to you going forward.
I do not know, but we are not going in this direction.
So maybe it will help you.
And it has like secondhand rumors,
notes about cult members taking over towns
and making them like home bases,
having illusionary effects, kind of hiding undead,
stuff of that nature.
But it's all kind of scribbled
and it's information he's captured from other people.
That's not too clear of a note that you can tell,
but definitely information though
that maybe will help you going forward.
Awesome.
Then Damian walks over to Sully,
who's kind of falling back
because poor Sully is definitely very tired.
And Damian leans down
and kind of gives Sully a very light punch
on the upper shoulder and goes,
please don't make me regret this.
I will tell the other two I'm giving you this.
And he gives the entire bAlydince of the 500 gold
over to Sully the direction we're going.
We're going to be in a good spot.
I want to make sure the three of you are well suited
for the days to come.
And he hands the whole pouch of gold
over to Sully for the group.
Say, ah, thanks man.
You made a good choice.
Those other two, they're very frivolous.
Moot, Glynn, Sully has your gold.
Don't let him tell you otherwise.
And you look in front of you
and Bertie has tried to climb into the jam jar.
Can we just like exit out
without having like a giant jam party?
Like we're throwing handfuls of jam at each other.
We fade out on the caravan drivers,
the guards that were and the goblins in Daggerford
awaiting the arrival of the citizens of Daggerford.
The intro and extra music long road ahead
is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
All other music, sound effects and ambience
can be found at epidemicsound.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Gabriel Lynch, Joshua Dixon, Ryan Cushman,
Cat Waterflame, and Jacob Madden.
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Sorry, I wasn't expecting this to happen.
Hold on.
You weren't expecting us to fight goblins?
Well, not in this fashion.
To be honest.
Well, you're a GM.
You should know we were automatically
going to be fucking with your plans, so.
Yeah, you did it.
We did it.
You did it.
Yay.
Congratulations, everyone.
Hey, when you offer turnt goblins.
You better deliver some turnt goblins.
Turnt goblins.
And you had Sully be like, I'm going to shoot it.
You should have known.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.